Day 1 without you.

I don't even know why I'm even bothering to note all this down actually.

It's as if I refuse to let go of these feelings that I have now.

That I'm purposely clinging onto them just so that I can torture myself more.

I'm writing this as I'm sitting here in the bomb shelter in AF.

I think I get what you mean now when you always reminded me of how many memories you recounted when you worked in AF while I wasn't there.

Too many memories.

*Taking in a short breath*

My fingers are just frozen over the keyboard, because I really don't know what to type. Nick keeps asking me if I'm okay, what I'm feeling right now, whether I need anything, and I keep giving him the same reply. I'm okay. I really can't be bothered with talking to anyone now. And I really don't know what I'm feeling. Hurt or shocked or lost or empty. I don't know. I really don't. I really don't want to talk. But I'm messaging all my friends telling them that I just broke up with you. At least texting keeps my fingers busy long enough such that I don't have time to pause and ponder about....about what just happened.

You were always so upfront about your emotions. So open about it. And that's what I loved most, which is something I just realized a few minutes ago.

Because when you walked up to me, with that pokerface, devoid of emotion and expression, I realized that I took all those times you were so loving with me for granted.

*catching my breath*

I'm lightheaded and dizzy, confused and in a state of shock. Hurt that things have ended. Relieved that it ended quickly. Lonely because now I realize that there's no real person I can turn to talk to who would understand me as well as you do.

What have I done.

You were always so emotional and plain to see. Everything you felt was written right there on your face.

I think, I don't know maybe, but I think that I expected you to be talking alot to me, to try and salvage the situation, to grab hold of me for the last time, ask me for one last hug or ask me for a last kiss, just something. But when you shook your head after I asked you whether you had anything more to say, I felt a blanket fall over me. It was the end then wasn't it?

You took one glance at your watch, looked up at me and said 'bye'. The word seemed so hard and cold and final. And before I could even process the shock, I waved back to you. You just....got up and left. And a few moments later I felt as though I had to catch my breath after being struck in the gut.

"Can't believe I ended things this way - MeganYQ on Twitter"

You're Roger. You pin your heart on your chest for everyone to see. For everyone to snatch and shatter into a million pieces.

So who was that person I saw earlier?

I don't know what hurts most. The finality of the concept of 'us', looking into your eyes and seeing a stranger I said my last 'bye' to, or knowing that all those moments we shared that I now miss so painfully would forever just be a memory.